I have waited for this day for at least 4-5 years. I was prepared. I had a plan. Or so I thought. But like most things, this day didn't go like I had planned.
For over 10 years, the day after Thanksgiving signals to our family that Christmas is coming. We decorate our house, our Elf on the Shelf, Drake arrives and the Christmas magic begins. While we may snarl at Drake....and, let's be honest, curse his name trying to keep the magic alive.....we have loved (most) every minute of seeing Christmas through our boys' innocent eyes. We've waited for years, wondering how the boys (now 15 and 12) could still truly believe. We've questioned if they really did or not. We've talked to friends and family, and heard more times than we can count, "I can guarantee you they don't really believe. At least Warren doesn't. He's probably just going along with it because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings." Year after year, we told ourselves "This is the year. We've got to tell Warren. We can't let him go to high school still thinking Santa is real." But the years came and went and the time just never presented itself. So, year after year, we've continued to trust in the magic. Until this year.
A couple of nights ago, after the boys were tucked in bed (or so I thought), while brushing my teeth, Warren popped his head in and asked if I could come in and talk for a few minutes. Of course. Always. He's been grappling with a few school related things, which we did talk about....before the topic quickly changed. He started asking questions about where Chris and I were at certain times...trying to figure out how Drake could've moved, if everything his friends had told him were true. He told me how one friend learned that Santa wasn't real when he was in the 5th grade. And he questioned, "If Santa isn't real, how could you and Dad afford all those big gifts?" So, I calmly walked out for just a moment....grabbed my letter (written 5 years ago, when I initially thought we'd be having this conversation) and walked back in, with Chris by my side.
"Buddy, why are you crying?" I asked. "Because mom, if you and Dad are Santa, then that means you guys spend all that money on our big Santa gifts, while Harper and I hardly spend anything on you two. So I just feel really bad." After the tears dried, the next round of questions began. "So, do you and Dad eat the cookies we put out for Santa? What about the reindeer food? How do you guys clean it out of the grass?" I asked him if he was sure he wanted to be on "Santa's team" now, before I revealed all the secrets. He nodded his head no....started crying again and told us he just wasn't sure about any of it. (Let's be honest....it's a lot to take in!)
While it didn't quite go like I had planned, most things never do. Still, I'm grateful for the time. Even though it was well past 11:00....and I was exhausted after a big day of crafting and running Christmas errands....he and I decided we would sneak to the utility room and play some video games to help "ease the pain." We laughed together, playing Gang Beasts and as I tucked him back in to bed....I welcomed him to "this side" of the Christmas magic and promised him it was going to be so much more fun than he could ever imagine!
For the next couple of days, he did such a great job playing along to keep the magic alive for Harper. Christmas Eve, after we finished Christmas with Chris' family...and when Harper wasn't around, he asked me "So do you and Dad stay up and put everything out now?" I told him, again, that I couldn't reveal all the secrets. He smiled a huge smile and said "But mom, I'm on your team now!" But, when I asked him "What percent?"....he smiled and said "Maybe 60/40." I told him I couldn't tell him until he was 100%!
And once the magic was over....Christmas night....Warren climbed into his bed. And with tears in his eyes, he looked away and said "But mom, I don't want to believe you and Dad are Santa. I want to believe Santa is real." Sweet Warren, there is always magic....when you believe!
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