Gratitude (Pt. 2 - Finally)

So, initially, I thought I would write an update....a part 2....just a couple of weeks after the part 1. And although I did, I never finished it.....and (obviously) didn't publish it. So here we are. A semester later....part 2.

Maybe one day I'll publish the original part 2, but for now....our part 2 looks vastly different than the original.  

Shortly after Warren came home for winter break, I asked to see his grades.  He fumbled around and finally showed me his grades, which were....let's just say....not what I was expecting.  (And it's important for me to clarify....I have always told our kids that if they work their butts off and do the very best that they can and they earn a C....then I'm great with that and proud of them!  The problem comes if I know they haven't done the best that they could.)  And after talking with Warren more, I realized that he had not done the best that he could.  But.....there was much more to it.  Those grades were just our first red flag.  And it was a red flag because it wasn't his normal.  And it was a red flag because he had completely misled us to believe his grades were much, much better.  After talking through it more, he broke down and told me he was miserable at Samford.  Through tears, he told me how he felt like he didn't fit in.  How he spent most of his time in his dorm, because he didn't have any friends.  Talk about a gut punch!  In that moment, I tried really really hard to find gratitude.  And, if I'm honest, all I could muster up was that I was grateful he could talk to me....even if, finally! 

Chris was not home at the time, but I met him in the driveway as I was heading to pick up Harper.  He hopped in my car and rode with me, while I shared with him.  And when we got back home, he went straight to Warren's room.  (Meanwhile, Warren had cried himself to sleep.)  Chris woke him up, kicked me out and just hugged Warren, who quickly burst back into tears and sank into Chris' hug.  When they finally walked out, we decided we would not talk anymore about this until after Christmas....as we all wanted to enjoy the "reason for the season."  I'm grateful we had that time to let everything sink in and just "be".  So, Christmas quickly came and went and we held to our promise.  Not one word was mentioned about anything, though Warren did occasionally mention "when I go back...." 

Fast forward to December 27th.  After that initial conversation, Chris and I planned for he and Warren to go golfing.....which was our planned decoy for a true Father/Son talk.  The plan was for Chris to talk about some "adulting" things.  Things we had noted that needed to be addressed before Warren went back.  (Little did we know that the trajectory of that conversation would change, before it even started.)  One of the things in the planned conversation was hygiene, as we noticed Warren didn't seem to be taking good care of himself (mentally or physically) since being gone.  <red flag>  As Chris told me, just beginning that conversation led into essentially the same conversation Warren and I had earlier.  The conversation moved from the golf course to coffee at Rogue, where Warren really shared how truly miserable he was.  I am grateful for the time Chris had with Warren.  I'm grateful he was open to the conversation and I'm grateful Warren felt comfortable enough to share. 

When they came home, we had a family meeting.  Though he made the final decision, we fully supported him when Warren said he felt like the best next step for him would be to not return to Samford in January.  What had turned into a dream of all of ours, quickly came to an end.  And I'd be lying if there were/are moments that don't feel like a sense of grief.  (Sidenote.....the night before Warren and I talked, Chris and I were on a Zoom call with the Director of Parent and Family Engagement at Samford.  At the same time Warren was struggling so much, we were being asked to serve as the Samford Parents' Association Florida Chapter chairs.  And, as we told her, when we believe in something, we go "all in!"  And we were "all in" at Samford!)  But, I continue to (try) to practice gratitude.  I'm grateful for the life lessons that happened while Warren was at Samford.  And I'm grateful Samford was a safe space for him to learn.  I'm grateful Warren made the decision for himself (vs. us making it for him).     

If you are reading this, you likely know me well enough to know that I am a girl who likes needs a plan.  As it turns out, Warren put on a happy front because he was afraid of disappointing me, because he knows I thrive on a good plan, a good plan with high expectations.  You can only begin to imagine my heartbreak when he shared that with me.  But I'm grateful he did.  Because it allowed me an opportunity to share with him, what I only hope he truly heard and believes......that though I need a plan, I'm learning to be flexible and to "be ok" with pit stops along the way.  I shared with him that our plan for him is kind of like taking a family vacation.  

We know our vacation starts at home.  We know we have planned and mapped out a vacation to New York City.  But, along the way, we get a flat tire and have to take an exit ramp.  We fix the tire, might have to spend the night, but then we get back on the interstate and keep heading towards NYC.

Our "destination" for Warren is that he grow into an independent, responsible, respectful, God loving human being who contributes to society.  His journey started at home.  Samford.....Samford was an exit ramp.  He "spent the night there" and is getting back onto the interstate.  

After a super quick pivot, we reached out to some of our closest FSC friends, who jumped right in and helped him quickly get enrolled.  I am forever grateful to those folks who helped make this happen!  So, next semester, he'll hop back on the entrance ramp and join the Florida Southern Moc family, while living at home and working.  Then next year, he's looking forward to moving on campus to continue his journey.  He'll continue to write his story just the way God has already written it.  And trust me.....it'll be a best seller!  And for that, I'm grateful!

Gratitude (pt. 1)

There is a popular contemporary Christian song by Brandon Lake that has become special to Warren and me.  Whenever I hear "Gratitude" it's a bit of a running joke between us because I have to change the station.  Though I love the song, I cannot listen to it without crying bawling, sobbing.  And, if I'm honest, I'm really not even sure why.  It started long before any of this college season began.  Like long before graduation.  It's been a thing for a good bit now.  Something in the bridge just hits me:

    "Oh, come on, my soul
    Oh, don't you get shy on me, lift up Your song
    'Cause you've got a lion inside of those lungs
    Get up and praise the Lord."

In fact, just copying and pasting those words......oooooof!

So, when this season of change in our life finally arrived, I couldn't help but embrace it all with gratitude. Part 1, what you're reading now, is just a reflection of the college move in experience, followed by so much gratitude for the days leading up to that.  And Part 2 will be a quick recap of Warren's first couple of days and weeks on campus.  Still, filled with so much gratitude!  

Part 1

No matter how prepared you think you are (and believe me, I thought I was beyond prepared)...I guess you are never really ready.  Two weeks ago, we drove 10 hours to move Warren into his freshmen dorm at Samford University, in Birmingham, Alabama.  Moving in was quiet and peaceful....not at all the chaos I was prepared for.  After we moved him in and helped him get set up and unpacked, we took him for a late lunch, before the inevitable.  We had hoped to go to Taco Mama (one of our local favorites), but in the midst of the move in, we realized his airpods needed repair.  In an attempt to get those fixed before we left (you know, trying to do "all the things" while we could still help), we weren't able to make Taco Mama happen.  So we hit Shake Shack, instead.  Lunch was quick, as we were trying to eat and do a few last minute things in his room before we said our goodbyes in time for him to make his first Residence Hall meeting.  

The goodbye was hard.  Probably as hard as you'd imagine.  I bawled.  Warren bawled.  Chris cried.  And Harp...I'm so grateful for Harper!  He was our strong, comic relief.  Once we got in the car, I let out all the emotions I had held inside.  For the past months leading up to move in, I was filled with such a strange range of emotions.  Excitement and dread!  Anxiety and peace.  Grief and joy!  Sadness and happiness!  Sitting in a place where both sides of the emotions exist felt very strange.  

After we regrouped, our new little family of 3 headed to dinner at, none other than Taco Mama, where I quickly realized I deserved a margarita!  We spent our last night in Birmingham and headed home Saturday.  

If I'm being honest, I have to tell you that our goodbye was as beautiful as it was gut-wrenching.  When we walked in Warren's room, a "Bye for Now, Bulldogs" envelope was waiting for us on his desk.  Inside was a flyer titled Putting Down Roots, which compared the roots of the strong mighty oaks found all around the campus to the roots Warren is laying down at Samford.  On the back listed 7 Steps to Saying Goodbye, from Taking a Photo with the iconic Mr. Beeson statue (Samford tradition is to then take the same photo at graduation) to scanning QR codes to hear a few words from the president.  Attached was a silver oak tree pin to remind us that Samford students are much like those mighty oak trees.  And our farewell was capped off by a Spotify playlist, the school had compiled for the drive home.  I was prepared for sad, gushy farewell songs.  Instead, we found state songs (starting off with Sweet Home Alabama), mixed with fun, sentimental tunes and songs of praise and worship.  

I'd be lying if I said these last few months weren't filled with anxiety.  Anxiousness over "Do you think he'll need.....?" or "He still hasn't heard from his roommate." or "Do you think you're going to rush?"....gosh, even a text from his advisor saying, "Warren, we still need your final transcript, showing your graduation date."  To combat that, I began a much more intentional prayer time this summer, starting each day with "Today, I am grateful for...." and listing just 3 things.  I'm three months in and can honestly say that, followed by a quiet devotional and prayer time, this practice has made all the difference for me.  In fact, I bumped my alarm clock back and now get up at 4:45 each morning, just so I can have more time.  Spending time in devotion and gratitude has turned this entire "college season" into something more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.  

As I look back, Warren had the most perfect "send off".....for which I am so grateful for!  Before they all went their different ways, his classmates spent a morning playing pickleball, ending with one last pool party at the house.  I am so grateful for those friends, who have been like family to him, for the last four years of high school.  And those mommas have been a blessing I never would have known I needed.  We have an incredible text thread among us that has honestly been a lifeline!  We've asked each other five million questions to make sure we're all on the right track.  (And believe me, there is power in a group of women who allow you to ask the dumbest of questions, and answer in ways remind you that you are not alone.)  We've prayed for each other's kids as they've moved across the lake.  We've prayed for them as they've been rushed to the hospital during Orientation, hundreds of miles away......or as they learned to take an Uber to Urgent Care.  One momma even called and prayed for Warren on my voicemail!  Even now, 2-3 weeks in, we're still in touch, checking on one another and our kiddos!  I'm so grateful to be part of such a network of strength!    

Warren was able to spend a day at the beach with his two best buddies.  And as he called and asked if he could spend the night with them, which meant he'd miss the last Sunday at church with us.....instead of being sad or upset, I was so grateful he had such good friends.  And not just "good friends" but friends that are genuine, good people!  Friends (and their families) I would choose for him, if he hadn't himself. He spent time with one of his best girl friends, who he has literally grown up with, since birth.  I'm grateful for their friendship, for her patience with him over these 18 years (especially these last 4 years) and for her genuine acceptance of him.  We went out for ice cream (a tradition of ours) with our best friends, who are like family.  Friends we've walked through elementary, middle and high school with.  And though our boys are definitely four different boys....I'm grateful that we can always still get together to celebrate life.  His incredible Young Life leaders, who have guided him since middle school and are like his big brothers, took him to the Dallas Bull for his first experience at line dancing.  I'm grateful for the way in which they've walked beside him, mentored him and celebrated him in a way his parents cannot. 

We hosted a Samford SendOff, which allowed him (and us) time to connect with other "local" Samford families.  Samford sent us a "Party in a Box" which had everything we needed, from Send Off Bingo sheets, to table decorations and party prizes, allowing us to simply focus on the connections.  Thought most of the families who came were from Orlando, Warren was able to connect with 2 other freshmen boys, one of whom is just next door to his dorm room.  (I believe God fully orchestrated this, knowing this would come in very handy during the first week!)  We were able to connect with other families who were feeling all the same things we were.  Even their amazing advisor drove up from Melbourne to join us all as we celebrated the send off.  I'm grateful for a school that is so intentional in prioritizing connections and relationships.    

And then we had friends and family over for a final farewell.  He spent the week before "launching" at Samford surrounded by people who love him.  While I had fully expected to be sitting in grief during the weeks before move in, instead I was filled with gratitude for the incredible village we've been gifted.  Walking through this season with Warren has been a gift.  I'm grateful for the people who have poured into him, I'm grateful for the wonderful school where he gets to learn and grow into who he was called to be and I'm grateful Chris and I were chosen to now walk beside him as his parents.  

(And I'm grateful we survived the first week.....which left Warren "adulting" real quickly!  Stay tuned.....) 

Ready to Launch

In less than a month, Warren heads up to Samford University, in Birmingham, Alabama.  From the minute we stepped on the campus, all four of us knew it was the place he needed to be!  That is.....until he went to Orientation, in June!  

He spent the night in the dorm and around 10:30pm, I got a text that said "Not gonna lie.  I'm having some withdrawals right now."  Well, I'm not gonna lie....my momma heart was soooo conflicted!  My first reaction was "ohmygosh!  This is so great, he can go to Florida Southern and be close to home!"  But then I remembered the excitement he had every time we visited the campus and the hours and hours we have all spent in prayer over the decision.....and I recognized that giving up Samford would be taking the easy road.  And while sometimes that's not a bad thing....Isaiah 43:18-19 says, "But forget all that - it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.  For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun!  Do you not see it?  I will make a pathway through the wilderness.  I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."  

After talking with his Orientation leader and admissions counselor, we felt certain his fears were stemming from the unknown.  And who can blame him?

Fast forward to July.  He has served on Work Crew at Windy Gap camp, in North Carolina.  At the beginning of the month, we sent him off on his first flight without us.  And he has been living his best life in North Carolina since.  Work Crew turn in their phones when they arrive and are only allowed to get them back for 2 hours each Saturday.  But who needs phones when you're in the mountains?  We're able to Facetime him on Saturdays and every time, he's told us he's had the very best time and easily wants to go back next year!  Last night, he got a 5-minute phone call from the Game Room.  He told us he's made some good, new friends and one of them has a cabin in Brevard, NC and invited him to hang out there until his flight, later Sunday night.  You can imagine how happy my momma heart was.  So excited he'd made some friends!  (Dad, on the other hand, was more interested in the logistics.  How will you get back to the airport?  If the friend's parents take you, do they know that the airport is about 45 minutes from Brevard?)  

When we hung up, I couldn't help but think back to Isaiah 43:18-19.  What he experienced in Windy Gap doesn't compare to what God's got planned for him at Samford.  And I can't help but think how beautifully orchestrated this summer was for Warren.  God knew that Warren would have doubts going to Samford.  So he prepared the way by sending him to Windy Gap, where he had a chance to learn how to "find his people".  And he learned that if he can find his people at Windy Gap, he can surely find his people at Samford.  

In preparation for this new season, I'm reading Release My Grip, by Kami Gilmour and have "realized the secret to surviving my kids leaving the next is to be fully present to support them and look forward to the future through the lens of their life, not backward through the lens of my life."  Ecclesiastes 7:10 says "Don't long for the good old days.' This is not wise."  So while I could sit in tears about "the good old days", I choose to be wise and look towards what's to come, with excitement, because I know God's about to do something new!  

During the worship service at Orientation, one of the key points the campus minister shared with us was "We aren't letting them go; we're launching them! (Proverbs 22:6)"  I think it's safe to say we are ready to launch!

It Matters to That One

During one of his sermons, Pastor Andy recently shared the story of the starfish.  It quickly reminded me of Young Life.  Young Life understands that "it matters to that one" and they show up every.single.time.  Whether it's showing up for a summer reunion party, only to find out none of the other kids were able to come....or meeting Harper for Campaigners, when no other kids come.  These leaders show up!  They show up and they understand that it matters to that one!  

Last night was no different.  Last night, these leaders showed up at our house at 3am (with our prior permission, of course) to celebrate Warren!  They pulled in, put on their silly character costumes in our driveway and busted in Warren's room with music blaring to "wake Warren up with Young Life!"  They were here for maybe 3 minutes at 3am in the morning...when they easily could've been sleeping.  But they were here for Warren....Because it matters!     

Warren joined Young Life in middle school and since then, both boys have been, not just involved.....but excited to be involved.  If you are around our family for any length of time, you know just how much it means to us.  Quite literally, it very well could've saved Warren's life.  It came into his life at a time when he was at his lowest, with some very dark thoughts.  Our church was in the midst of some youth leadership turnover, so he didn't feel like he had a home there.  But God....

God orchestrated such a beautiful play, with Young Life in the lead role!  Just as Warren needed a place to belong and be known.....this group called Wyld Life (the middle school version of Young Life) started meeting at Lawton Chiles Middle Academy.  Why not, we thought?  So Warren started going.  And 7 years later, we had no idea how much Young Life would come to mean to our boys.

Earlier this year, Warren had the privilege of sharing his YL story.  7 years ago, I would've been a nervous wreck at such a thought.  Instead, I watched as he confidently shared how Young Life changed his life.  

I can also say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that throughout this beautiful play...God also cast Harrison as another lead role.  At Harrison, Warren has learned confidence.  He's learned stage presence.  And he's learned how to speak in front of an audience.  What a powerful combination, especially when it's used to share your testimony!  I couldn't be prouder of him and I couldn't be more grateful for the people and the experiences God has placed in our lives through Young Life.  Because they show up!  They know that it matters to that one!    

Now as Warren prepares to confidently head to Samford University, he's excited to get involved in the Young Life chapter in Birmingham....this time, as a leader!  Because he knows how much it matters.  And he's ready to show up!