The End of Something

Mr. Rogers said, "Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else."  And here we are.  At this bittersweet "end of something".....looking forward to the "beginning of something else."   

Obviously, I knew this day would come.  I just didn't know it would bring all the feels.    

It's actually been creeping up, since last week.  Last Friday, we donated all of Harper's uniforms in exchange for Choice Dress passes.  I wasn't even sure how to feel.  The boys have been in uniforms for the last 12 years.  Other than preschool, we've never not had a kid in a uniform.  So, turning them all in felt surreal.  I kind of caught a glimpse of what life will be like when they are adults...they get Choice Dress for the rest of their lives.  No more uniforms!  It felt like that was the beginning of this end.  

Then, it hit me again last night.  Warren went to play pickleball with some friends, like he's been doing most nights, lately.  However, this time was different.  This time, he didn't eat dinner with us.  He ate dinner with his friends.  And he wasn't home early.  He stayed out later.  And when he finally came home, he took a shower, came and told us goodnight and went to bed.  That might not sound like a big deal, but in our house it is.  For the last 17 years, he's always wanted me to tell him goodnight once he was in bed.  But last night, that changed.  

Then, I watched him walk to his car this morning, like I do every morning.  But this time, it was the last time as a junior....and the last time by himself.  Next year, he'll have Harper with him.  Just another beginning of this end. 

After he drove off, Harper and I finished getting ready and headed for our last morning carline.  When Warren started high school and I started taking Harper to school, I would be lying if I said I didn't resent it a little bit.  It meant I was late to work every day.  But now, three years later, after he got out of the car and I started to drive off, my eyes welled up with tears!  I started bawling.  The same time I once resented had turned into time I cherished!  I will miss our entertainment news on Johnny's House.  We listen to it every morning at 7am and talk about how silly some of it is.  I'll miss our Duo Lingo battles.  Every morning, once we get to LCMA, we complete our lesson for the day, while we wait for the gate to open.  I'll miss making up stories about the creepy house that seems to be abandoned.  There is a run down house that sits by the school and most days it seems abandoned, until it's not.  And on those days, we make up creepy stories about what we see inside.  But most of all, I'll just miss that precious time with my mini-me!

But these bittersweet ends don't stop with my biological boys.  They carry over to my school boy, Jayshaun.  I first met Jayshaun 3 years ago as a 6th grader.  Walking down the hallway, I was called in to a classroom to help because his anger had gotten the best of him.  And at that moment, I became his Momma Mayes.  Jayshaun quickly became like one of my own...and everyone at school knew it.  He came to see me first thing every morning and just before he left every afternoon (and most days, many, many times in between).  I've been to cheer him on at his basketball and football games.  I've been to his band and guitar concerts.  He's even come to youth group several times with us!  He really has become like my own and, although I know we will stay in touch, I also know it will look much different.  As I told him goodbye today, through my ugly cry and with tears in his eyes, he hugged me and told me he would come back to see me.     

So although we are at the end of this chapter (and I may or may not have the ugly cry going on as I type), as soon as I hit "Publish", I will choose to dry up and look forward to the "beginning of something else" as I know all 3 of these boys have such great things ahead.  Warren will be a senior so we have a lot to look forward to in his college selection.  Harper will be a freshman at Harrison, starting in the MPA program.  We can't wait to see what high school looks like for him, as he starts to find his way.  And Jayshaun will be a freshman at Kathleen (I think....depends on the day, for him) and you can believe I will be cheering him on at his games!

Like Dr. Seuss (supposedly) said, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."