Human Kind

So, my bestie encouraged me to sit down and jot my thoughts and feelings about something I just experienced.  And, at the risk of being super incredibly honest and vulnerable, here's my account.  

We are heading out tomorrow morning on a family vacay to Boston.  We've been planning it for months and looking forward to the time away, together.  As Hurricane Elsa approached, we realized we needed to bump the flight back a day....which gave me some extra time to pack.  Thank goodness!  While we had our clothes and "major" things ready, there were a few smaller items I'd wanted to pick up....and a few extra clothes couldn't hurt.  So I left the boys at home and ran to Wal-Mart.  No make-up, dirty hair and ball cap.

Over the last week, Chris and I have been back and forth to Wal-Mart grabbing clothes for the boys.  Chris was pretty sure the dressing room was closed, so he'd been bringing clothes home and I'd return them the next day, after the boys tried everything on.  So, I was surprised when I saw the dressing rooms were actually open today!    

I'm a pretty picky person (are you surprised?).....so it takes me awhile to find almost anything.  And, clothes is no exception.  I found a couple of shirts....happily tried them on, but didn't like them...so handed them back, with the door tag showing the number of items.  I left the clothing section and went to snag my other travel items.  As I was walking back past the clothes, a couple (or five) other shirts caught my eye, so I decided to try them on just to make sure I wasn't missing anything.  I left my other items in my cart, hung my #5 tag on the door and went inside to try everything on.  Again, I didn't care for any of the items (I told you I was picky) so I handed everything back to the sales lady, along with the #5 tag.  However, this time, she didn't accept them as easily:

Sales lady:    "Well, where's the other item you had hanging over your arm?" 
Me:               "I'm sorry?  I didn't have any other items."
Sales lady:    "I saw you had another item hanging over your arm.  So where is that?"
Me:               "I really didn't have any other items.  Maybe it was my purse that you saw?"
Sales lady:    "No ma'am, it wasn't your purse.  I saw it hanging over your arm.  So where is it?" 
Me:               "I'm sorry.  I don't have anything else, but you are welcome to check my purse?"

With that, she apologized and let me go.  And as I walked off, my first immediate reaction was shock.  I was shocked to have been accused of shoplifting.  Me?  I'm the biggest nerd I know!  I would never....  

Then my emotions quickly moved to embarrassment.  I knew I looked rough, but after all, I was just running in to Wal-Mart.  I didn't think I looked "that bad".  

And immediately after, I moved to judgement.  I realized in a split second how judgemental that was.  How judgemental I was...without realizing it.  I mean, I didn't "look like a shoplifter."  Clearly, subconsciously, I thought that only people who "looked rough" shoplifted.

After processing my judgement, I realized what my brother and sister-in-law have been preaching about implicit bias.  On a super small scale, I was made to feel in a very small way how so many people of color feel all the time.  (Please understand, I am in no way downplaying the racial injustices that happen with oh so much more impact.  This was just an "in your face" kind of simulation for me.)  

And to drive the point home even more.....literally 20 minutes before my Wal-Mart incident, I purchased a new shirt from Old Navy with the words "Human Kind" written on the chest, in skin toned colors.  Coincidence, right?  A dear friend of mine always says "There are no such thing as coincidences."  And I have to believe her.  I don't think this was a coincidence.  I think this was a God-wink.....something that needed to happen to me, for me to more clearly see the "Human Kind."  

Maya Angelou is quoted as saying "We are only as blind as we want to be."  May I be blind no more!   

But God.

"But God, rich in mercy
You came to save me
Now I'm alive
But God, strong and mighty
You reached down for me
So I could rise
Now I'm alive."  

-Big Daddy Weave

We've had a rough week.  Both boys have been battling upper respiratory infections are both on inhalers and are both in the middle of FSA and EOC testing.  High stakes, high congestion and high stress.  

Add to that.....for the past several months, Harper has generally felt kinda miserable.  The poor kid has been on allergy shots for as long as he can remember.  He lives on two inhalers, two medications, nasal spray and all kinds of lotions and creams.  COVID or not, he rarely smells anything.  But, he handles it like a champ.  Talking with him, you would never know anything was wrong.

After months of going through the motions, we realized that his allergy shots really didn't seem to be doing the trick any more.  So after a quick trip to the allergist, he was referred to an ENT.  During Harper's second week of FSA testing.....second week of feeling kinda like crap.....he got slapped with "Your nose is filled with polyps.  I think you need to have a CT scan and we might need to consider surgery to remove them." 

But God.  Rich in mercy.  

We got home, feeling a bit deflated.  After the stress of FSA testing.....the stress of not feeling well.....and "now this".....we walked in the door to a gift bag on the counter, with a card made out to Harper.  With so much curiosity, Harper carefully opened the card.  

"But God, strong and mighty

You reached down for me

So I could rise" 

Jil Bevis was the substitute of all substitutes when Harper was in Kindergarten.  But little did we know that she would be so much more than that.  Not only was she exactly who Harper needed in Kindergarten...she was exactly who Harper needed today!

These doctor's appointments and tests and all the other medical "stuff" are hard.  But God.

Same Kind of Different As Me

I remember reading the book, Same Kind of Different As Me and thinking "My gosh.  Miss Debbie is a saint.  How in the world could I ever make a difference like that?"  While incredibly inspiring, I remember feeling overwhelmed and discouraged because I didn't think there was anything I could do to compare to what she did with Denver.  I read that book probably five years ago, if not longer...and it has stuck with me since.  

John Wesley said: 

    "Do all the good you can, 
    by all the means you can,

    in all the ways you can,

    in all the places you can,

    to all the people you can,

    as long as ever you can."    

It wasn't until this past year that I realized....the difference I make doesn't have to be on a "Miss Debbie scale."  It can be on a "Kim Mayes scale"...John Wesley style...."all the good you I can....by all the means you I can....in all the places you I can....to all the people you I can."  He didn't say "all the good.....by all the means....in all the places.....to all the people."  Those two words "you can" are important.  I can do what I can do....not what Miss Debbie can.  What I can.     

When we went to Colorado in December, we helped my brother and sister-in-law package "Blessing Bags" for the homeless in Arvada.  We went to Costco and stocked up on several different snacks, water, hand warmers, and ziplock bags.  Then, assembly line style, we filled the bags so Pj, Amy and Auggy could keep them on hand, in their cars.  And most recently, my good friend, JB, set out to do the same thing, instead filling his bags with miscellaneous hygiene supplies.  Simple.  There was no right or wrong. There was no way to mess up.    

In the book, Denver Moore said "Nobody can help everybody.  But everybody can help somebody."  So, today, my family set out to help somebody!  We went to the Dollar Store and stocked up on snacks, water and ziplock bags.  I copied my friend JB's sweet words and printed out a quick tag to go inside.  For less than $50 and in under an hour, we're ready to help 12 somebodies...."as long as ever we can."