It Isn't Supposed to Be Convenient

This weekend was an inconvenience!  Harper joined the church youth group for the first (of hopefully many) Serve Saturdays.  He woke up early on a rainy, chilly Saturday morning to go pick up trash around Lake Parker.  How convenient it would've been to stay curled up, in bed, or in front of the fire, in comfy pajamas!  Instead, he rolled out of bed (albeit reluctantly), got dressed and served.  And, according to the pictures, he even had a smile on his face!  

Then Sunday, Warren participated in Fine Arts Sunday at church.  He was kind of "voluntold" that he would play congas for the Youth Choir and Kids Praise....as they both needed percussion.  It was a long morning, for sure.  He was there by 7:30, played in four services....then attended a meeting for his summer mission trip to Alaska.  And, at 1:00, we left to go to lunch.  

Saturday morning, as the youth group circled around to pray before they headed out, our Director of Missions Ministry, Forrest White, shared a few words that stayed with me long after the group prayer.  After he thanked them and told them he was proud of them for showing up, he told them that "Mission work isn't supposed to be convenient.  It isn't supposed to be easy.  You never know the difference you'll make in someone's life."  He talked with the kids about his belief that God is in every moment of mission work.  "Besides cleaning up the environment, it might be that God put you there to offer someone a smile as you're walking by.  And maybe that smile turns that person's day around." 

I've thought about Forrest's words...since he said them.  As we drove home today, we talked about the boys' weekend and the service they participated in.  We told them how proud we were of them. Warren even said he thought he might like to drum with the Youth Praise Band, on Youth Sunday, but he felt like the rehearsals were "just too much" on Sundays before Youth Group.  Since he wasn't a part of the prayer circle Saturday morning, I shared Forrest's words with him.  I told him that "service isn't supposed to be convenient."  But, it's in the inconvenience that we find the sacrifice to further God's work.  

1 Peter 4:10 says "Each of you should use whatever gifts you have received to serve others."  I'm proud of our boys.  I'm proud of our church.  I'm proud to be a part of a church that provides opportunities for our youth to serve and learn to appreciate the inconvenience as they use their gifts to serve others.  

Christmas Magic

I have waited for this day for at least 4-5 years.  I was prepared.  I had a plan.  Or so I thought.  But like most things, this day didn't go like I had planned.  

For over 10 years, the day after Thanksgiving signals to our family that Christmas is coming.  We decorate our house, our Elf on the Shelf, Drake arrives and the Christmas magic begins.  While we may snarl at Drake....and, let's be honest, curse his name trying to keep the magic alive.....we have loved (most) every minute of seeing Christmas through our boys' innocent eyes.  We've waited for years, wondering how the boys (now 15 and 12) could still truly believe.  We've questioned if they really did or not.  We've talked to friends and family, and heard more times than we can count, "I can guarantee you they don't really believe.  At least Warren doesn't.  He's probably just going along with it because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings."  Year after year, we told ourselves "This is the year.  We've got to tell Warren.  We can't let him go to high school still thinking Santa is real."  But the years came and went and the time just never presented itself.  So, year after year, we've continued to trust in the magic.  Until this year. 

A couple of nights ago, after the boys were tucked in bed (or so I thought), while brushing my teeth, Warren popped his head in and asked if I could come in and talk for a few minutes.  Of course.  Always.  He's been grappling with a few school related things, which we did talk about....before the topic quickly changed.  He started asking questions about where Chris and I were at certain times...trying to figure out how Drake could've moved, if everything his friends had told him were true.  He told me how one friend learned that Santa wasn't real when he was in the 5th grade.  And he questioned, "If Santa isn't real, how could you and Dad afford all those big gifts?"  So, I calmly walked out for just a moment....grabbed my letter (written 5 years ago, when I initially thought we'd be having this conversation) and walked back in, with Chris by my side.  

We gave the letter to Warren and watched as he read.  His eyes filled with tears and he rolled over, crying "Just leave me alone please."  Had I goofed?  After all these years, maybe he didn't really want to know the truth.  

"Buddy, why are you crying?" I asked.  "Because mom, if you and Dad are Santa, then that means you guys spend all that money on our big Santa gifts, while Harper and I hardly spend anything on you two.  So I just feel really bad."  After the tears dried, the next round of questions began.  "So, do you and Dad eat the cookies we put out for Santa?  What about the reindeer food?  How do you guys clean it out of the grass?"  I asked him if he was sure he wanted to be on "Santa's team" now, before I revealed all the secrets.  He nodded his head no....started crying again and told us he just wasn't sure about any of it.  (Let's be honest....it's a lot to take in!)

While it didn't quite go like I had planned, most things never do.  Still, I'm grateful for the time.  Even though it was well past 11:00....and I was exhausted after a big day of crafting and running Christmas errands....he and I decided we would sneak to the utility room and play some video games to help "ease the pain."  We laughed together, playing Gang Beasts and as I tucked him back in to bed....I welcomed him to "this side" of the Christmas magic and promised him it was going to be so much more fun than he could ever imagine!  

For the next couple of days, he did such a great job playing along to keep the magic alive for Harper.  Christmas Eve, after we finished Christmas with Chris' family...and when Harper wasn't around, he asked me "So do you and Dad stay up and put everything out now?"  I told him, again, that I couldn't reveal all the secrets.  He smiled a huge smile and said "But mom, I'm on your team now!"  But, when I asked him "What percent?"....he smiled and said "Maybe 60/40."  I told him I couldn't tell him until he was 100%!  

And once the magic was over....Christmas night....Warren climbed into his bed.  And with tears in his eyes, he looked away and said "But mom, I don't want to believe you and Dad are Santa.  I want to believe Santa is real."  Sweet Warren, there is always magic....when you believe!   

        

Human Kind

So, my bestie encouraged me to sit down and jot my thoughts and feelings about something I just experienced.  And, at the risk of being super incredibly honest and vulnerable, here's my account.  

We are heading out tomorrow morning on a family vacay to Boston.  We've been planning it for months and looking forward to the time away, together.  As Hurricane Elsa approached, we realized we needed to bump the flight back a day....which gave me some extra time to pack.  Thank goodness!  While we had our clothes and "major" things ready, there were a few smaller items I'd wanted to pick up....and a few extra clothes couldn't hurt.  So I left the boys at home and ran to Wal-Mart.  No make-up, dirty hair and ball cap.

Over the last week, Chris and I have been back and forth to Wal-Mart grabbing clothes for the boys.  Chris was pretty sure the dressing room was closed, so he'd been bringing clothes home and I'd return them the next day, after the boys tried everything on.  So, I was surprised when I saw the dressing rooms were actually open today!    

I'm a pretty picky person (are you surprised?).....so it takes me awhile to find almost anything.  And, clothes is no exception.  I found a couple of shirts....happily tried them on, but didn't like them...so handed them back, with the door tag showing the number of items.  I left the clothing section and went to snag my other travel items.  As I was walking back past the clothes, a couple (or five) other shirts caught my eye, so I decided to try them on just to make sure I wasn't missing anything.  I left my other items in my cart, hung my #5 tag on the door and went inside to try everything on.  Again, I didn't care for any of the items (I told you I was picky) so I handed everything back to the sales lady, along with the #5 tag.  However, this time, she didn't accept them as easily:

Sales lady:    "Well, where's the other item you had hanging over your arm?" 
Me:               "I'm sorry?  I didn't have any other items."
Sales lady:    "I saw you had another item hanging over your arm.  So where is that?"
Me:               "I really didn't have any other items.  Maybe it was my purse that you saw?"
Sales lady:    "No ma'am, it wasn't your purse.  I saw it hanging over your arm.  So where is it?" 
Me:               "I'm sorry.  I don't have anything else, but you are welcome to check my purse?"

With that, she apologized and let me go.  And as I walked off, my first immediate reaction was shock.  I was shocked to have been accused of shoplifting.  Me?  I'm the biggest nerd I know!  I would never....  

Then my emotions quickly moved to embarrassment.  I knew I looked rough, but after all, I was just running in to Wal-Mart.  I didn't think I looked "that bad".  

And immediately after, I moved to judgement.  I realized in a split second how judgemental that was.  How judgemental I was...without realizing it.  I mean, I didn't "look like a shoplifter."  Clearly, subconsciously, I thought that only people who "looked rough" shoplifted.

After processing my judgement, I realized what my brother and sister-in-law have been preaching about implicit bias.  On a super small scale, I was made to feel in a very small way how so many people of color feel all the time.  (Please understand, I am in no way downplaying the racial injustices that happen with oh so much more impact.  This was just an "in your face" kind of simulation for me.)  

And to drive the point home even more.....literally 20 minutes before my Wal-Mart incident, I purchased a new shirt from Old Navy with the words "Human Kind" written on the chest, in skin toned colors.  Coincidence, right?  A dear friend of mine always says "There are no such thing as coincidences."  And I have to believe her.  I don't think this was a coincidence.  I think this was a God-wink.....something that needed to happen to me, for me to more clearly see the "Human Kind."  

Maya Angelou is quoted as saying "We are only as blind as we want to be."  May I be blind no more!