The End of Something

Mr. Rogers said, "Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else."  And here we are.  At this bittersweet "end of something".....looking forward to the "beginning of something else."   

Obviously, I knew this day would come.  I just didn't know it would bring all the feels.    

It's actually been creeping up, since last week.  Last Friday, we donated all of Harper's uniforms in exchange for Choice Dress passes.  I wasn't even sure how to feel.  The boys have been in uniforms for the last 12 years.  Other than preschool, we've never not had a kid in a uniform.  So, turning them all in felt surreal.  I kind of caught a glimpse of what life will be like when they are adults...they get Choice Dress for the rest of their lives.  No more uniforms!  It felt like that was the beginning of this end.  

Then, it hit me again last night.  Warren went to play pickleball with some friends, like he's been doing most nights, lately.  However, this time was different.  This time, he didn't eat dinner with us.  He ate dinner with his friends.  And he wasn't home early.  He stayed out later.  And when he finally came home, he took a shower, came and told us goodnight and went to bed.  That might not sound like a big deal, but in our house it is.  For the last 17 years, he's always wanted me to tell him goodnight once he was in bed.  But last night, that changed.  

Then, I watched him walk to his car this morning, like I do every morning.  But this time, it was the last time as a junior....and the last time by himself.  Next year, he'll have Harper with him.  Just another beginning of this end. 

After he drove off, Harper and I finished getting ready and headed for our last morning carline.  When Warren started high school and I started taking Harper to school, I would be lying if I said I didn't resent it a little bit.  It meant I was late to work every day.  But now, three years later, after he got out of the car and I started to drive off, my eyes welled up with tears!  I started bawling.  The same time I once resented had turned into time I cherished!  I will miss our entertainment news on Johnny's House.  We listen to it every morning at 7am and talk about how silly some of it is.  I'll miss our Duo Lingo battles.  Every morning, once we get to LCMA, we complete our lesson for the day, while we wait for the gate to open.  I'll miss making up stories about the creepy house that seems to be abandoned.  There is a run down house that sits by the school and most days it seems abandoned, until it's not.  And on those days, we make up creepy stories about what we see inside.  But most of all, I'll just miss that precious time with my mini-me!

But these bittersweet ends don't stop with my biological boys.  They carry over to my school boy, Jayshaun.  I first met Jayshaun 3 years ago as a 6th grader.  Walking down the hallway, I was called in to a classroom to help because his anger had gotten the best of him.  And at that moment, I became his Momma Mayes.  Jayshaun quickly became like one of my own...and everyone at school knew it.  He came to see me first thing every morning and just before he left every afternoon (and most days, many, many times in between).  I've been to cheer him on at his basketball and football games.  I've been to his band and guitar concerts.  He's even come to youth group several times with us!  He really has become like my own and, although I know we will stay in touch, I also know it will look much different.  As I told him goodbye today, through my ugly cry and with tears in his eyes, he hugged me and told me he would come back to see me.     

So although we are at the end of this chapter (and I may or may not have the ugly cry going on as I type), as soon as I hit "Publish", I will choose to dry up and look forward to the "beginning of something else" as I know all 3 of these boys have such great things ahead.  Warren will be a senior so we have a lot to look forward to in his college selection.  Harper will be a freshman at Harrison, starting in the MPA program.  We can't wait to see what high school looks like for him, as he starts to find his way.  And Jayshaun will be a freshman at Kathleen (I think....depends on the day, for him) and you can believe I will be cheering him on at his games!

Like Dr. Seuss (supposedly) said, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."       

My School is My Mission Field

Today, I attended a funeral for a family of 3 people, gone too soon.  Denver, an 8th grader at my school, Sariyah, his 1st grade sister and their mom, Mavaria, were all killed in a car accident two weeks ago.  The older brother, Avery, is in 9th grade and is still in the hospital, recovering.  The grief our school family has shared has been unimaginable.  I have never seen a school affected quite like this.  But these kids were part of our family.  They had been with us since Kindergarten and we are grieving.  While I am an instructional coach, I haven't been doing a lot of coaching lately.  I've been doing a lot of listening and a lot of crying and a lot of being there for these kids and this staff.  And though the state and/or district and/or test scores may say otherwise, I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt, that that's exactly where God needs me.  My school is my mission field.

And as I sat watching and listening to the celebration of their lives, I was overcome with so many emotions to confirm that.  Yes, I was grieving for their unimaginable and tragic loss.  But it was more than that.  You see, today, we got it right and I was able to see God's hand in every single detail.  

Looking back, though not many people know this (surprise mom!), I applied and interviewed for a new job.  A job I thought I would really really love and was super excited for.  It's no coincidence that the day our school found out about the accident was the day I was offered the job.  The day I physically held up one of "my boys" when he didn't think he could walk, the day I had the boys' basketball team in my office, angry and sobbing at the death of their friend and teammate.....was the day I was supposed to be so excited about a new opportunity.  After two days of thinking and praying, I decided against taking the new job.  While the new job would surely have been exciting, I would so miss out on the relationships I've built with the kids and those kids need me now, more than ever.  My school is my mission field.   

After respectfully declining the position and just a week after the Stephens' accident, our staff was hit with the tragic news that our front office secretary passed unexpectedly.  Once again, we "welcomed" the county crisis team back on campus.  And while Ms. McDonald's death may not have been as difficult on our students, it surely has been difficult on our staff.  That afternoon, I stood in my office, holding up our night custodian, hugging her, as she sobbed.  While the new job would have brought new friendships, I would've missed the chance to be there for this staff and these friends.  My school is my mission field.  

The following week was our scheduled School Advisory Committee (SAC) meeting, of which I have been a part for the last 8 years.  However, this year, I was scheduled to be in two student meetings at the same time.  Normally, I would've excused myself from SAC to be in the student meetings.  After all, students come first.  But "for some reason" I felt like I needed to ask our school counselor if I was truly needed at the student meetings.  I know now, that was the Holy Spirit tugging on me.  Because you see, had I accepted that new job, I would not have been at the student meetings or SAC.  Had I been at the student meetings, I would not have been at SAC.  And had I not been at SAC, I would not have been able to say "My church can do it!" when my principal shared with the committee that the Stephens family had not been able to find a church to host the funerals of their beloved.

I immediately texted one of our pastors and he promptly sent an email to the appropriate staff, to which everyone said "YES!"  And as I walked into the sanctuary today, I have never been more proud of my church.  Because today, we got it right!  

Today was about celebrating the lives of 3 precious children of God.  I saw my church staff work together to help this family honor their loved ones.  And, as I sat there, listening, watching and taking in the pomp and circumstance of the service, I thought about what I was witnessing.  I watched what "community" looks like.  The family processional lasted at least 20 minutes and I thought "My gosh.  I hope, at my funeral, I have that many people who feel enough like family that they would process in with my blood family."  I looked back to see the entire sanctuary filled...literally to capacity.  This amazing community came out today to lift up and support this family.

Today was not about skin color.  Many would call my church a "rich, white church."  In my church, most funerals have organ music, some scripture, prayers and a message.  In my church, most everyone seems to already know when it's appropriate to stand and sit.  In my church, most everyone is dressed in coats and ties and pretty dresses.  In my church, the musicians all have stands and follow clear lines of music.  

But today was different.  Today I gained an appreciation for new traditions.  I watched and saw that it didn't matter what people were wearing, for it's more about community than clothes.  I watched in awe as a man gently, but proudly walked 3 beautiful crowns down the long aisle of my church.  I watched as those crowns were then laid in each casket, before it was closed.  I watched as the choir, without any music, led the congregation in spiritual music that uplifted my soul!  I watched as the funeral home employees dressed in matching, distinguished outfits, showing their respect.  Then I watched as the directors presented traditional tapestries to the family.  And I watched as the beautiful dancers, dressed as angels, gracefully danced down the aisle, to "carry" Denver, Sariyah and Mavaria out.

Last night, a friend texted me to see if it was appropriate to bring her wife to the service at my church.  While our global church may have come under fire for certain beliefs, my church believes in "open hearts, open doors and open minds".  I proudly told my friend "Yes!  Of course you can bring your wife."  At my church, all are welcome.  And all means all!  

Because today wasn't about "us".  And it wasn't about "them."  Instead, "we" ALL came together....the "us"s and the "them"s.....just as it should be.  I saw it happen today....I know it can happen tomorrow.  And because I saw it today, I will continue to serve and believe that my school is my mission field!  

This Kid

Isaiah 11:6 says "...and a little child will lead them."  This kid....he's our silent leader.  He just finished his last year at the Polk Museum of Art summer art camp.  I'm so grateful that he was finally lucky enough to have one of my favorite people as his instructor for the camp, Mrs. Simoni Bonadies.    

And just like this picture, this kid does not like attention.  He doesn't like accolades.  He doesn't like celebrations.  But today, we're going to celebrate him!  He is super talented and super humble and deserves the praise!!  

Again this year, one of his pieces from the camp was selected to be on exhibit at the Polk Museum of Art's "Summer Art Camp 2022" exhibition.  Only 3 students in his class were chosen to be in the exhibit, which will run from September 2nd - October 15th!  We are so proud of him.  We can't wait to see the exhibit (so we can finally see his piece)!  And we can't wait to see how God uses him to lead!